legionworld | There are places I'll remember/All my life, though some have changed

Who| Robbie and Vance
What| Vance has a few things to say to Robbie
Where| Basement of Mount Wundagore in the Habitat Area
When| After Vance comes back from bailing Rich out
Warnings/Notes| Possible mentions of depression, self harm. abuse, child deaths. Will update as necessary

He'd recognized the wall when he caught video of Robbie talking to Brainy. Vance had been intending to give Robbie some space, then go look for him. He HADN'T been expecting Rich to enforce that space by being an idiot, but maybe he should have expected something from that quarter when he hadn't spoken up.

Also, the whole thing with Valeria may have rattled him a bit.

Still, Vance makes his way down to the 'basement' of Mount Wundagore, to a room that doesn't actually exist in the real version. It's not that surprising to Vance that Robbie retreated down here, though some part of him wishes that the room didn't exist at all.

"I thought I'd find you down here."

But, then, Robbie always has been the kind to self-flagellate. And where better to do that than the Stamford memorial?

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There's a prolonged silence while Robbie tries to figure everything out: the failing at words, the frown, the apparent frustration. He's missing something. No, Vance isn't telling him something, and Robbie's left wondering what it might be.

His view shifts over to the memorial again. He doesn't want to watch Vance make that face, knowing that it's because of Robbie and doesn't involve a particularly bad joke. He suspects it's something to do with the holo-vid. There are probably memes that Vance wants to warn him about, or worse.

"Angelica made everything seem easy. Most of us, you could say that our head was in the right place, or our heart was. But Angel - she had her head and her heart in the right place, just about all the time - not that you're a lackadaisical lunkhead, but I get why you'd think she's better at dropping bombs on people. Say what you've got to say. I'll survive."

Not all of the time and Vance is grateful that Robbie phrases it that way. Not that he holds it against her (any more), but there had been a couple of times where Angelica's heart and head weren't in the same place, never mind the right one.

Still. Maybe it's like a bandaid and it's better just to rip it off all at one time.

"I think I'm in love with you."

...That might not have been the best way to phrase it.

There should be a cliché for this. Robbie feels like the rug got ripped out from under him, the oxygen sucked out of the room, an anvil dropped on his head. They’re all accurate and completely insufficient to help him deal with the frenzy of emotion that somehow has him feeling numb.

He can’t make sense of it. Vance likes girls, and the revelation that his interests were broader than that would make Robbie blink. There’s nothing else to unpack there. After blinking, his reaction is just 'okay, great.’ It’s not a big deal.

The real problem is that that revelation is only implied. The anvil that clanged off Robbie’s head is that Vance …well, that Robbie is involved in it at all. That’s not so okay. He can’t help wondering what he did wrong. He must have overdone being normal, if it seems like a relationship with anyone is ever going to be a possibility.

Guiltily, he slides away from Vance and out of reach. Robbie knows it’s a terrible move to make, and he doesn’t know how to nicely explain that he doesn’t mind the contact but it’s probably better for Vance if it doesn’t continue.

Shit, how did he let this happen? He’s bad at letting people down easy. The only time he’s really even tried is when he backed away from Aracely's crush, and it didn’t even work.

Robbie gets to his feet and looks anywhere but Vance. Unfortunately, everything that’s left is the memorial to Robbie’s worst mistake. How can this conversation be happening, here? With the angel fountain and the names of hundreds of people who'll never get the chance to say I love you again. It’s so out-of-place that it’s vulgar.

“You can’t say things like that. Not here,” he adds quickly, trying desperately to soften the impact. After the show and telling Vance how he wishes he had done more to spare him pain, hurting his friend now would be cruel. “It’s – not right. They can’t –“

He abandons trying to explain, between having choked up on the words and feeling like he’s digging the hole deeper, and stands fidgeting while he waits for some sort of direction. Robbie doesn’t know what’s worse, leaving or staying, but he can always change his mind if he stays.

"If I didn't say it now, I'd probably chicken out." Vance knows his levels of emotional constipation, after all. And after things had gone south with Angelica...

Vance stands, taking a few steps toward Robbie but not touching him. Not unless Robbie shows that he wants to be touched. "More than that, Robbie, it is something you should hear. The fact that you are loved, no matter what else has happened." Not that he expects Robbie to believe it, especially not now. "Look, I...it doesn't have to mean anything. I just thought it was something you deserved to know."

"Doesn't have to mean anything?" Robbie asks, so incredulously he almost sounds affronted. The word bullshit might as well be punctuating every word. It's bizarre when a declaration of love is bookended by worries of chickening out and then a complete dismissal of the declaration.

At least, Robbie thinks it's weird. This would be the first time he's been involved with one. When he was a kid, he'd pictured, oh, a 100% completely different scenario, usually involving Heather Locklear.

He's pretty sure it isn't supposed make him so uptight that the emotional awkwardness spills over into physical discomfort, and Robbie is certain that part of him shouldn't be considering going along with it, because that would at least make one person happy.

That would be a shitty thing to do to a friend. "I know you better than that. If it meant you might chicken out, then it meant..."

It's only then that Robbie finally takes a step back, shoving a hand through his hair. After a moment, he mumbles, "I am so not prepared for this conversation. Nobody told me life was going off book today."

He's rehearsed a lot of responses in his life, both quips and explanations, but Robbie hasn't prepped for anything like this.

"I should... go," he says quietly, with an accompanying flinch at how lame he sounds, but it's said now. There's a certain amount of follow-through required, and Robbie takes a few more steps away. He gives Vance one last apologetic look, and turns to go.

"That's not...I didn't...that came out wrong." Because it's not that Vance thinks that his own feelings don't mean anything or that saying it means nothing. But it was obvious that Robbie is pretty much rejecting him and it's a easy out for them both. "I more meant it doesn't have to lead to anything and..."

He pauses, taking a moment before letting out a breath. "I'll see you later."

Maybe. It's not like Vance is going to track him down. He's already made this awkward enough.

"It's okay, Vance." But Robbie didn't stop making his way out of the memorial park. The arch that marked the entrance framed the stairs into the rest of Mount Wundagore. Once he was there, he'd use his flight ring to get some real distance.

Part of him wants to joke that leading then to shit is still leading somewhere, but Robbie doesn't find it as funny as he thinks he should. "I'll catch you later."

Like when he can look Vance in the face again. When Robbie's officially out of the memorial, he takes off, intending to lose himself in Central Park for a few hours.

There are places I'll remember/All my life, though some have changed

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