John-117 (The Master Chief) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
prettycoolguy) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
legionworld2017-07-12 12:30 am
prettycoolguy) wrote in legionworld2017-07-12 12:30 am
Entry tags:
Please Not Now [CLOSED]
Who| The Chief and Wash
What| The most awkward conversation anyone's ever had
Where| Wash's place
When| A while after Wash's near-death experience
Warnings/Notes| An unacceptable number of feelings
John-117 has a problem, a problem a person like him was never meant to face and thus a problem he is completely unequipped to deal with. Spartan-IIs are not built for emotionally charged interactions, and this would be sort of hilarious if it weren't so real and disorienting and very much detrimental.
At the very least, he knows what the problem is. It's just not one he's had since he was a boy, and then only the once. Nothing about John's life in those days applies to the one he's living right now, though, so identifying this snag still hasn't given him any answers.
The problem is Wash. Specifically, how he feels about Wash, and the unacceptable emotional things he finds himself wanting from Wash. Call it what it is, it's an infatuation. A crush. John isn't a child anymore, though, and there is nothing cute about this. He's distracted, and while so far he has managed not to take any action on this impossible and stupid impulse, it's been worrying him more and more. The kicker was Wash's recent near death by sniper round on Rimbor, and just how deeply he'd felt that.
It's a danger to himself and (more distressingly) others. There is no questioning that. It must be dealt with, and soon. Ignoring the problem has not made it go away or diminished its seriousness. He's been emotionally compromised, is aware of it now, and needs to get away from Wash for a while so he can kill this.
…But doing so without explanation will hurt Wash's feelings.
That's why he's here now, knocking at Wash's door, out of his armor because he doesn't even want to have to come close to involving Cortana in this. John has to confront it the only way he knows how: Directly. He's not sure what's going to happen, just that one way or another he's going to put this in the ground and bury it.
Sometimes, things just have to get worse before they can get better.
What| The most awkward conversation anyone's ever had
Where| Wash's place
When| A while after Wash's near-death experience
Warnings/Notes| An unacceptable number of feelings
John-117 has a problem, a problem a person like him was never meant to face and thus a problem he is completely unequipped to deal with. Spartan-IIs are not built for emotionally charged interactions, and this would be sort of hilarious if it weren't so real and disorienting and very much detrimental.
At the very least, he knows what the problem is. It's just not one he's had since he was a boy, and then only the once. Nothing about John's life in those days applies to the one he's living right now, though, so identifying this snag still hasn't given him any answers.
The problem is Wash. Specifically, how he feels about Wash, and the unacceptable emotional things he finds himself wanting from Wash. Call it what it is, it's an infatuation. A crush. John isn't a child anymore, though, and there is nothing cute about this. He's distracted, and while so far he has managed not to take any action on this impossible and stupid impulse, it's been worrying him more and more. The kicker was Wash's recent near death by sniper round on Rimbor, and just how deeply he'd felt that.
It's a danger to himself and (more distressingly) others. There is no questioning that. It must be dealt with, and soon. Ignoring the problem has not made it go away or diminished its seriousness. He's been emotionally compromised, is aware of it now, and needs to get away from Wash for a while so he can kill this.
…But doing so without explanation will hurt Wash's feelings.
That's why he's here now, knocking at Wash's door, out of his armor because he doesn't even want to have to come close to involving Cortana in this. John has to confront it the only way he knows how: Directly. He's not sure what's going to happen, just that one way or another he's going to put this in the ground and bury it.
Sometimes, things just have to get worse before they can get better.
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Maybe that's not what a normal person says at a time like this, but John isn't trying to be one.
He means it anyway.
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Wash pauses for a moment, a little surprised, and then starts laughing - softly, into Chief's chest, but nonetheless. He's a little overwhelmed, to be honest, and this is how it's leaking out. He's going to need to explain himself soon, but right now he's too busy being so goddamn happy.
"You know, if you wanted me to kiss you again, you could just ask."
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"Can you reach?"
He's teasing, raising his jaw a little in challenge. They've gone straight from serious, potentially sad discussion back to being the kind of people who have impromptu snowball fights and banter that ends with one person being potato-sacked down a mountain.
John is a Spartan and Wash is a survivor of Project Freelancer, both places where that sense of humor could have been lost forever. But instead, it's what they bring out in each other.
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Wash smirks a bit at the challenge. "That depends on how you feel about being climbed like a tree." He shifts his grip, releasing the hug and lightly dragging his nails down Chief's back. It's part making a point and part sidling into territory he's pretty sure Chief isn't familiar with - either way, Chief's reaction should be fun to watch.
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"You seem to be getting pretty brave," he says. "Try me."
They'll have to talk, eventually. For real, and probably horribly awkwardly. He knows that. But for now? The game's afoot, he's handed Wash a challenge and honestly, he really wants to see how this turns out.
(And to kiss him back, inexperience be damned.)
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And shitty jokes about making out tend to require physical followup. That's a good reminder.
He reaches up and puts his hands on Chief's shoulders, sizing him up. He'd managed this with Maine, but Chief is taller, so execution might be interesting.. "Remember, you literally asked for this," is all the warning Chief gets before Wash jumps, using the upward momentum to pull himself up until he cam wrap his legs around Chief's waist. He braces an elbow on Chief's shoulders and smirks - "Like a fucking tree." - before cupping Chief's jaw with his free hand and kissing him full on the lips.
It would probably be less awkward and more romantic if he weren't also clinging to Chief like an enthusiastic koala, but hell, if it works, it works.
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This is infinitely, infinitely better than the last time he held Wash off the ground.
"Knew you could," he says when he pulls back. He's not one for broad expressions, he never has been, and that relaxed smile on his face is as close as John really gets to a grin. The rest of this is new, but saying dumb shit? He's an expert.
It's okay for him to want this, here. He's not anyone's boss, he's not hiding anything, he's not a symbol. He's just John.
He hasn't had the luxury being just John in...
...Well.
Ever.
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"Smartass," Wash shoots back, a grin on his face and laughter in his voice. They definitely have some work to do on the kissing front, but they can take that slow-
That train of thought rattles to a stop at the sound of a very loud meow as DC wiggles out from under the bed, meowing at the top of his lungs. It's dinnertime and he's hungry and why hasn't he been fed yet! It's been months, and DC still surprises him with just how much noise he can make with those tiny lungs.
"I need to feed the cat," he says, tapping John's shoulder. "Let me down."
He's not surprised real goddamn life has come crashing in on their little bubble of happiness, but that doesn't mean he particularly enjoys the reality check, even if it is cute and fuzzy.
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"Right."
John sets Wash back on his feet. He'll take this as a chance to pause and think.
This is not where he thought he'd be right now, it's much better than that. But it's not without reason for worry. He was prepared for all the problems that would come from backing away for a while to kill feelings. Acting on them? Mutually? It's a whole different set that it seemed impossible to even consider.
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...they need to talk, don't they. He's been trying to avoid thinking about this.
With the cat distracted and sated, he turns his attention back to Chief. "We should probably talk about this, huh."
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"You first, or me?"
Because they both have concerns, they can't not have them. This is exciting and new and potentially good, but neither of them is without baggage.
...But at least this is a different talk than it was a few minutes ago. It's not about why they shouldn't, it's about how they can.
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"You probably do," he admits. Wash does know him well, they would never have got here if not. And that's why this is so important.
"I'm worried about what happens if something goes wrong in the field. I'm worried about staying objective. But if I didn't think we could get past that and keep the mission first, I wouldn't be here now."
Just because they're putting that behind them doesn't mean he can just shut off the concern, but repetition would be useless. He thinks they can make this work. If all the time and trust they've had has taught him anything, it's that this kind of selfishness is probably the opposite of a problem they have. Life is full of unusual bright sides.
The concerns he has to address now are different, and far more personal.
"I've never done this," he says, voice quieter. "I think I understand, but I might not. A lot of things aren't... obvious to me." And Wash has seen the evidence. He's an awkward person, when he has to be anything but grim and stoic.
"I don't want to miss something and hurt you."
John doesn't talk about feelings much, or even like to admit to having them. If he puts names to fears, they are much more difficult to bury and move past. But if he's going to do this, he needs to be honest with Wash and with himself. There's enough trust here for him to admit these things, he knows Wash isn't going to think less of him for being less than certain and steady.
But even so, it's still very hard for him to say it.
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Putting the mission first makes sense, and it needs to be the priority for both of them. Wash knows he's not the first thing on Chief's list - it's part and parcel of dating a Spartan. He thinks. Has anyone ever done this before?
Evidently Chief hasn't, and that's not a surprise. What is surprising is that Chief seems to be more worried about this aspect of things than the keep the mission first part. "So, talk to me," he says, feeling out the words. "If we're going to make this work, we'll need to really communicate with each other. If there's something that you like, or don't like, or want more or less of, tell me and I'll do the same. Talking about relationship stuff is goddamn hard sometimes, but it's important, especially since you're inexperienced and I'm out of practice." It was hard enough to say that much, but it's the only way Wash can ever see this working out.
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"I can do that," he says. It's a promise. He'll follow through. At the very least, this evening has proven awkwardness is a hurdle he's not afraid to leap on Wash's account. True, "apologizing in advance for not talking to you because I'm an emotionally inexperienced disaster area" is the kind of solution he comes up with independently when he tries for clarity, but he can work on that. He's not alone in this.
"Your turn?"
That was, apparently, what he had. For now, anyway.
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Especially since now it's his turn with words, and he's pretty sure Chief isn't going to like what he has to say.
"Honestly, I'm worried about Cortana." Might as well tear that band-aid right off. "I know she means the world to you, and I'm pretty sure you'd put her above the mission without a second thought, and I don't have a problem with any of that." He'd known going into this that he was never going to be Chief's number one priority, and he'd made his peace with that - and a fair number of other things - weeks ago. "What I'm worried about is, she doesn't like me. I'm pretty sure I'm her least favorite Freelancer, and Grif and Tucker are the only reason I'm not her least favorite person in armor, and...I don't know how that's going to affect this."
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...Apparently it's that simple to him.
"I am Cortana's mission," he says. He understands this now. Cortana here is from a point in time where she didn't break down, she has plenty of other priorities, but the slide into rampancy he witnessed made it abundantly clear that he's her most important. It's maybe kind of a problem, the Chief knows it's not an ideal longterm situation for Cortana as a person and the UNSC would not approve, but at least it's not mission critical and is something that can be worked out eventually.
Maybe.
"She prioritizes my wellbeing more than I do. The two of you have that in common."
They've had multiple discussions, it's definitely an established fact.
"You're not a threat to my safety, you're not a threat to my effectiveness, and this is probably the best I've felt out of the field in a long time."
The Chief looks Wash in the eyes, steady and serious.
"Cortana doesn't have to like you, Wash. I do."