Jason: Episode 003 - LET'S PUNCH HITLER

[kingtyrantranger]

Who| Jason and Gwen
What| Punching Nazis
Where| The sim room!
When| After she gets back!
Warnings/Notes| Gratuitous Nazi violence.

You know what the problem with Jason is? He grew up with 80s cartoons. He's used to fighting monsters. And he's rather patriotic. The only reason he isn't dragging the communists into this mess is because Victor's on board and he doesn't want to offend the guy if he runs across this program. It normally isn't his thing at all, but he'd promised Gwen some Hitler punching, so there they were, in the Black Forest, with Neuschwanstein looming in the distance.

...No one ever accused him of being the best when it came to geography. Jason kind of hopes that it'll knock her out of whatever funk going home brought her into, but it's probably not the best idea to tell her that. No, what he figures she needs is a bit of action. And fun. Which is probably why they don't get more than two minutes to get used to their surroundings in the darkness of the forest when ninjas attack, slinging swastika-shaped shuriken!

"Sorry!" Jason yelps, ducking behind a tree. "Must've messed up the timing! Those weren't supposed to pop up until later."

Comments

[deafleppard]

Oh god, ninjas. Why were there ninjas in Nazi Germany. Come to think about it, was it right to call them Nazi Ninjas, or Ninja Nazis? Probably the first, if she'd have her way. The second sounded more like a group policing ninjas on proper ninja etiquette.

But seriously she didn't remember this part of the World War. Good thing she wasn't a historian, or this might've actually offended her.

"Is now a bad time to ask what else got included in here?" She asks multiple shuriken bury their very sharp ends into tree bark. Please tell her he didn't nazi-fy any of the local wildlife.

Please.

[kingtyrantranger]

"I just sort of threw in whatever seemed cool at the time." You know. Elephants with gatling tusks. The Werewolf Women of the SS. Some stuff he saw in the history books for this world.

The crimson ninjas don't spend a lot of time throwing things at tree trunks. They decide the best thing to do is close the distance between themselves and their prey, screaming out such phrases as "Heil Hitler!" "For the Fatherland!" and "Death to Doctor Jones!" Fortunately, this isn't exactly a high-difficulty simulation. They have glass jaws, something Jason gleefully demonstrates when one leans too far around the tree.

"All the same, we might not want to stick around here. If I screwed up the timing on these, I don't wanna think about how much of the schedule got bumped up." It's not like he needs his powers for this, and this is mostly to distract Gwen from her woes, so he slides his amplification focus onto her. Since it's just the two of them, the boost isn't amazing, but probably fairly noticeable.

[deafleppard]

As weird as the Nazi Ninjas were, they were still... just ninjas. If a solid hit to the jaw was all it took, she had more than enough of those to pass around. But really she just didn't like ninjas much right now. So when Jason gave her a power-up, Gwen just sort of cut loose. It also helped that the ninjas weren't really. So she just punched away, sending them flying and such.

"Woah, that feels nice." She commented on the upgrade, as the punching resumed.

And kicking. There was a bit of kicking there too.

"So where do we go from here?"

[kingtyrantranger]

Jason doesn't really program for gorefests, anyway. As hard as she's hitting, she would probably be pulping the ninjas, but this is supposed to be about relaxation.

Then again, what isn't relaxing about punching Nazis?

Jason lets her take the lead. Tonight isn't about him, after all, and it's still a pleasure to watch Gwen at work. "Up north," he shouts, pointing dramatically to the south. Either way, it's in the direction of the castle. He breaks into a light jog, then picks up speed once he hears something come crashing through the woods.

There are no bears in Germany. But someone neglected to inform Jason of that fact, and now there's a swarm of bears wearing Nazi stormtrooper helmets plowing through the trees as they make their way through. Some of them are egged on by Gestapo officers riding on their backs, firing wildly at the pair. Their aim is atrocious.

As a little note, the pounding of their massive paws on the ground takes the same pattern as the drumbeats of Horst Wessel Lied.

In about a hundred yards, the forest breaks into open fields and meadows. Knowing Jason, there's probably something hiding in the lake. And definitely something in one of the stereotypical Bavarian villages between them and the castle, which looks to be about two miles off.

[deafleppard]

Bears. Nazi bears. With additional nazis riding them into battle. Or as much of a battle as two teenagers could be considered. Still.

Bears.

So many bears.

"You know what? Fine. This is all just fine. I'm okay with everything that is happening around me right now!"

And why wouldn't she be, when she was knee deep in nazi everything.

"Never really punched a bear, though. Do koalas count, though? There was that one time..."

[kingtyrantranger]

Please. They're superheroes. They could stub their toes and call it a battle.

Besides. How often do you get to suckerpunch a bear and have it do something other than immediately take your head off? Not often, and Jason programmed this with all of the bear punching a body could handle.

"Why would you punch a koala? They're tiny!" Says the guy who once stabbed a unicorn/pegasus.