John sinks down next to Wash, closer than he would have before but not touching.
"You probably do," he admits. Wash does know him well, they would never have got here if not. And that's why this is so important.
"I'm worried about what happens if something goes wrong in the field. I'm worried about staying objective. But if I didn't think we could get past that and keep the mission first, I wouldn't be here now."
Just because they're putting that behind them doesn't mean he can just shut off the concern, but repetition would be useless. He thinks they can make this work. If all the time and trust they've had has taught him anything, it's that this kind of selfishness is probably the opposite of a problem they have. Life is full of unusual bright sides.
The concerns he has to address now are different, and far more personal.
"I've never done this," he says, voice quieter. "I think I understand, but I might not. A lot of things aren't... obvious to me." And Wash has seen the evidence. He's an awkward person, when he has to be anything but grim and stoic.
"I don't want to miss something and hurt you."
John doesn't talk about feelings much, or even like to admit to having them. If he puts names to fears, they are much more difficult to bury and move past. But if he's going to do this, he needs to be honest with Wash and with himself. There's enough trust here for him to admit these things, he knows Wash isn't going to think less of him for being less than certain and steady.
But even so, it's still very hard for him to say it.
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"You probably do," he admits. Wash does know him well, they would never have got here if not. And that's why this is so important.
"I'm worried about what happens if something goes wrong in the field. I'm worried about staying objective. But if I didn't think we could get past that and keep the mission first, I wouldn't be here now."
Just because they're putting that behind them doesn't mean he can just shut off the concern, but repetition would be useless. He thinks they can make this work. If all the time and trust they've had has taught him anything, it's that this kind of selfishness is probably the opposite of a problem they have. Life is full of unusual bright sides.
The concerns he has to address now are different, and far more personal.
"I've never done this," he says, voice quieter. "I think I understand, but I might not. A lot of things aren't... obvious to me." And Wash has seen the evidence. He's an awkward person, when he has to be anything but grim and stoic.
"I don't want to miss something and hurt you."
John doesn't talk about feelings much, or even like to admit to having them. If he puts names to fears, they are much more difficult to bury and move past. But if he's going to do this, he needs to be honest with Wash and with himself. There's enough trust here for him to admit these things, he knows Wash isn't going to think less of him for being less than certain and steady.
But even so, it's still very hard for him to say it.