Agent Washington (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
unrecovered) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
legionworld2016-09-22 05:41 pm
unrecovered) wrote in legionworld2016-09-22 05:41 pm
Entry tags:
Sitting on the dock of the bay [Open]
Who| Wash and whomever wants to bother him
What| Wash is having one hell of a week and ismoping ruminating about it.
Where| The Habitat Deck
When| During the TTHS investigation, after catching Reaper
It's quiet, and right now, that's what Wash wants.
He can usually keep his massive fuckups to one a week, or one every couple of weeks if things are quiet. Here, somehow, he's managed three over the span of several days, and that's-
It's unacceptable. He can't keep doing this. He has to be better.
So he's found a quiet place on the habitat deck - a lake in the mountains, where the beach is more gravel than sand and the treeline comes nearly to the water itself - to sit and think. He knows it belongs to someone else - his own spot on the habitat deck is still a small expanse of nothing, since he still hasn't figured out what to put in there that won't hurt somehow - but hopefully whoever belongs to this spot is out somewhere and won't come back today.
He puts his back to a tree, faces the water, and sinks down to the ground, thinking. If he can go over what's happened these past few days and find his mistakes, he can do better next time, or avoid the situation altogether. He knew he wasn't prepared for the fight on Talok IV - nobody was, really - but he can be prepared next time. He can start carrying live rounds, for one - they'll be highly regulated, but it'll be better than nothing. He can also...he can...how the hell is he supposed to prepare for an ambush?
Well, he'll figure out a way and he'll do it. 'It was a surprise' isn't good enough - not with people's lives on the line. He'll have to do better next time, whenever the inevitable 'next time' rolls around.
As for his conversation with Chief, he...he said some things he shouldn't have. He was on painkillers, but that can't be an excuse. He needs to have more control, full stop. He needs to-
He needs to not ruin any more friendships. He's done more than enough of that in his life, and he doesn't have that many to begin with. He can't afford to lose any more.
He doesn't want to lose any more.
He still wants to be friends with Chief, even if Chief is (rightfully) mad at him.
Fuck. Fuck. Come back to that one later. The situation with Reaper-
He'd wanted a win so badly that he'd failed to follow protocol - protocol he should damn well know by now - and as a result, he'd put everyone on the ship in danger. Including civilians. Including kids. He- he needed to-
God damn it.
He shakes his head roughly. This isn't working. He can't focus on the facts - he keeps getting tied up in guilt and shame, and that's not going to help him. He needs to-
He doesn't know anymore.
He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, gazing out over the lake. At least the view is nice. It's the only thing that's any good around here right now.
What| Wash is having one hell of a week and is
Where| The Habitat Deck
When| During the TTHS investigation, after catching Reaper
It's quiet, and right now, that's what Wash wants.
He can usually keep his massive fuckups to one a week, or one every couple of weeks if things are quiet. Here, somehow, he's managed three over the span of several days, and that's-
It's unacceptable. He can't keep doing this. He has to be better.
So he's found a quiet place on the habitat deck - a lake in the mountains, where the beach is more gravel than sand and the treeline comes nearly to the water itself - to sit and think. He knows it belongs to someone else - his own spot on the habitat deck is still a small expanse of nothing, since he still hasn't figured out what to put in there that won't hurt somehow - but hopefully whoever belongs to this spot is out somewhere and won't come back today.
He puts his back to a tree, faces the water, and sinks down to the ground, thinking. If he can go over what's happened these past few days and find his mistakes, he can do better next time, or avoid the situation altogether. He knew he wasn't prepared for the fight on Talok IV - nobody was, really - but he can be prepared next time. He can start carrying live rounds, for one - they'll be highly regulated, but it'll be better than nothing. He can also...he can...how the hell is he supposed to prepare for an ambush?
Well, he'll figure out a way and he'll do it. 'It was a surprise' isn't good enough - not with people's lives on the line. He'll have to do better next time, whenever the inevitable 'next time' rolls around.
As for his conversation with Chief, he...he said some things he shouldn't have. He was on painkillers, but that can't be an excuse. He needs to have more control, full stop. He needs to-
He needs to not ruin any more friendships. He's done more than enough of that in his life, and he doesn't have that many to begin with. He can't afford to lose any more.
He doesn't want to lose any more.
He still wants to be friends with Chief, even if Chief is (rightfully) mad at him.
Fuck. Fuck. Come back to that one later. The situation with Reaper-
He'd wanted a win so badly that he'd failed to follow protocol - protocol he should damn well know by now - and as a result, he'd put everyone on the ship in danger. Including civilians. Including kids. He- he needed to-
God damn it.
He shakes his head roughly. This isn't working. He can't focus on the facts - he keeps getting tied up in guilt and shame, and that's not going to help him. He needs to-
He doesn't know anymore.
He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, gazing out over the lake. At least the view is nice. It's the only thing that's any good around here right now.
no subject
"I understand some things better than I did before," he says. Understatement.
"I'm not upset about anything."
This conversation has been a rollercoaster, though.
"You?"
no subject
"Just-"
He risks starting the fight again, but he can't let this go. "I've lost a lot of people for a lot of bullshit reasons. I don't want you to be one of them."
no subject
He's not used to it being because of that.
"I'll do my best," he says. It's the most reassurance he can give.
"Besides. You need me around if you're going to explain to me who Ghostface is."
Still friends, Wash.