He leaned back in his chair and considered that for a moment.
And that wasn't really a small feat, because whatever his strong points were, thinking before he pressed forward had certainly never been one of them. But the way the conversation was shifting - from reassurances to sounding like Ferro might need some of them himself - was enough to get Hal to slow down a little, because no matter how much experience these kids already had, they were still kids from where he was sitting, and ruining the youth definitely wasn't on the agenda.
Feelings, though. Feelings were hard, especially when you made a point of pushing through life so hard and fast that you could avoid thinking too hard about them.
"Other people's opinions of me, not really. Everyone gets a different picture of you. Everyone sees different things. They're going to put together different pictures, and some of those might be pretty good ones, but nobody can see everything."
Hal had always been good at throwing other people's opinions out into the airlock, anyway.
There was a very pregnant pause before he continued. This wasn't a topic he liked much, but some things really couldn't be explained without the uncomfortable personal examples.
"What made me think I was wrong about myself was Parallax, not what anybody else thought of me after Parallax. Because I'd been working so hard at convincing myself since I was ten years old that I wasn't afraid of anything." He probably didn't need to explain how wrong he was about that. "But you can be wrong about something without having to throw out everything you thought you were, is the thing. Sure, I was afraid of something after all. But that doesn't change all the other things I thought I was - and still know I am."
He leaned forward, swinging his feet off his ottoman construct and back to the floor with a thump, and rested his elbows on his knees. "Telling you to trust yourself probably sounds pretty trite after what we've been through. I know that. But I'm going to say it anyway, because if you don't trust yourself, there's no reason anybody else should."
no subject
And that wasn't really a small feat, because whatever his strong points were, thinking before he pressed forward had certainly never been one of them. But the way the conversation was shifting - from reassurances to sounding like Ferro might need some of them himself - was enough to get Hal to slow down a little, because no matter how much experience these kids already had, they were still kids from where he was sitting, and ruining the youth definitely wasn't on the agenda.
Feelings, though. Feelings were hard, especially when you made a point of pushing through life so hard and fast that you could avoid thinking too hard about them.
"Other people's opinions of me, not really. Everyone gets a different picture of you. Everyone sees different things. They're going to put together different pictures, and some of those might be pretty good ones, but nobody can see everything."
Hal had always been good at throwing other people's opinions out into the airlock, anyway.
There was a very pregnant pause before he continued. This wasn't a topic he liked much, but some things really couldn't be explained without the uncomfortable personal examples.
"What made me think I was wrong about myself was Parallax, not what anybody else thought of me after Parallax. Because I'd been working so hard at convincing myself since I was ten years old that I wasn't afraid of anything." He probably didn't need to explain how wrong he was about that. "But you can be wrong about something without having to throw out everything you thought you were, is the thing. Sure, I was afraid of something after all. But that doesn't change all the other things I thought I was - and still know I am."
He leaned forward, swinging his feet off his ottoman construct and back to the floor with a thump, and rested his elbows on his knees. "Telling you to trust yourself probably sounds pretty trite after what we've been through. I know that. But I'm going to say it anyway, because if you don't trust yourself, there's no reason anybody else should."