Your life is worth just as much as everyone else's.
Cortana tried so hard to get him to believe this. Died trying, even. That memory stops him cold, and he feels a swirl of guilt. He breaks eye contact, locking his expression down like he would to mask physical pain as he tries to explain.
"You have a team that, if Grif's anything to judge by, needs you very much. We have children here whose parents might never see them again. The rest of you have lives you've been pulled away from with people who care about you and will miss you if you die. I have my job and I have my Spartans. Yes, I miss them. I want to get back to them. But I've been dead to them for four years. They buried me, they moved on, and they don't need me."
He meets Wash's gaze again.
"When I risk my life it's not because I plan to waste it. It's not because I think I'm invincible. It's not some kind of warrior honor, and it's not because I don't respect what I'm a symbol for here."
Because that's the only reason anyone would get attached to him or miss him. Right?
"It's because I've been ready for a long time. My affairs are in order. If one of us has to die, it's a lot cleaner if it's me."
The Chief is not a very expressive person, but for just a flicker of a moment the look in his eyes is a thousand years old.
"Somebody decided I was worth dying for once, Wash. I never want someone to make her choice again."
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Cortana tried so hard to get him to believe this. Died trying, even. That memory stops him cold, and he feels a swirl of guilt. He breaks eye contact, locking his expression down like he would to mask physical pain as he tries to explain.
"You have a team that, if Grif's anything to judge by, needs you very much. We have children here whose parents might never see them again. The rest of you have lives you've been pulled away from with people who care about you and will miss you if you die. I have my job and I have my Spartans. Yes, I miss them. I want to get back to them. But I've been dead to them for four years. They buried me, they moved on, and they don't need me."
He meets Wash's gaze again.
"When I risk my life it's not because I plan to waste it. It's not because I think I'm invincible. It's not some kind of warrior honor, and it's not because I don't respect what I'm a symbol for here."
Because that's the only reason anyone would get attached to him or miss him. Right?
"It's because I've been ready for a long time. My affairs are in order. If one of us has to die, it's a lot cleaner if it's me."
The Chief is not a very expressive person, but for just a flicker of a moment the look in his eyes is a thousand years old.
"Somebody decided I was worth dying for once, Wash. I never want someone to make her choice again."